Lost in the Map

Remembering New Zealand is overwhelming... encompassing. I get lost elaborately remembering each detail and reliving every moment, often replaying specific scenes over and over in perpetual succession.

I long for that time. I yearn for the uncertainty and the loneliness that I knew and I ache for the embrace of those by whom I have been irreversibly altered.

It comforts me to find that vivid memories have not yet been lost. A single glance, a quick remark, one piece of advice... so simple yet each so firmly rooted in my history and forever more my future.

The miles traveled have been etched as a map across my soul. If I breathe deep enough I can taste the ocean air surrounding the Otago Peninsula. If I close my eyes long enough I can reach out and touch the mountains reflected in the Mirror Lakes.

I get lost there, in my map. I keep going back because the exploration hasn't stopped; it will never stop. There is always something left to discover and a new depth to consider and hope to understand.

Sometimes I get lost and I worry that I won't ever come back. What could possibly be more fulfilling than a place filled to the brim with scars of growth and triumph? It's a tough thing, convincing yourself to stay away from paradise. And yet I am away longer and longer and the whole thing starts to feel like nothing more than a faded dream.



Except for The Guide. As the Velveteen Rabbit was taught, "... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."




Not sure how many (if any) readers are still out there. It's been an awfully long time since I've shared anything here, but I think about my journey and the impact it has had on me nearly every single day. Some part of me feels like if I process my photos or share a new blog that it somehow signals the end of my trip -- a closure that I am not interested in discovering. However, I think I have come to understand that by cementing my memories on the page (digital or otherwise) that it will only serve to immortalize them for years to come. Hopefully I can make up for lost time, as this blog has brought me a great amount of joy and I can only hope to share a piece of that with you.